To Blog Or Not To Blog?

When my good friend tolivecolorfully told me about her blog, I was really excited for her. {go check it out!}  I had been considering blogging for a while now. She encouraged me to start my own, and I was so scared! I had seen study abroad blogs come and go, and new wifie/mommy blogs scatter my various social media outlets. I had and still have a lot of ideas, that I consider to be worthy of more than being confined to my own mind. Typical insecure me, I’m afraid to share {was and still am.}  I am afraid of what people think, afraid of people connecting it to me. Upon reading one of my earlier posts, a trusted friend told me not to attach it to my name because a lot of the people in my network of friends would disagree and be judgmental about my beliefs.

Last night I laid in bed {restless – as always} and thought about this. Anonymity. Namelessness. A thought occurred to me  Why should I be shy about what I have to say? What should I be afraid of?  Just because my opinions and values may be divergent {to some} it doesn’t devalue them at all, or make them wrong. Valid in their own right, I go {timidly – still} forward. Unafraid to censor the originality of my own thoughts.  

 


To some this lesson might be simple. I grew up in an environment {a private school} that required limitless boundaries. While I was encouraged to develop myself in a scholarly and spiritual way, there was both a spoken and unspoken set of rules that defined the boundaries of acceptability. Classically conservative, gender separated {which I actually enjoyed}, defined by uniformity. Your skirt couldn’t be above the knee {although they often were}, your hair couldn’t be certain colors, you could only have so many piercings, religion was a defined institution that was practiced regularly as a campus wide event,  educators could be hired or fired based on their beliefs, similarly to how students were guided according to theirs. I truly believe I owe my portions of my insecurity to those  14 years of school. Some call it guilt- “well you must be scared because you know its wrong” mantra. I call it learned behaviors {it’s the anthropologist in me}. I learned what was acceptable to believe, and so I believed it.

Conversely, this place did bring me the best friends I’ll ever have, and experiences that could never be replicated. I learned a lot, and I credit them for much of my academic successes. {if there is one area of my life that is together – it is school}

When I got to college I joined a club {of sorts}, believing that I could thrive in an environment similar to my upbringing, something small and close-knit. The values held by this club were not limiting like I had experienced before, but there are values that are {subliminally} encouraged and popularized. While I do not disagree with any of my fellow sisters, it is also not the way I choose to live my life. *don’t get me wrong these kinds of groups can be very positive and uplifting for a lot of people* 

As you can imagine I did not get what I wanted from this experience. However, I want to define myself as someone that stands {alone or in a crowd}, even if my hands are shaking, for what I believe and who I am. To blog – unapologetically.

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